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Currently writing this with an interesting combination of contrasting emotions…

Confidence, doubt, excitement, fear, hopelessness, and optimism to name a few.

The fact you can feel all these things within the course of an hour, day, month, or considerable portion of your life is actually really annoying. You know what they say… “pick a struggle”.

I’m an artist. Specifically, i’m a rapper, singer, producer, and engineer. I prefer to say artist though because I think all art has one common driving factor. Those who create art are simply choosing to make their reality poetic in one way or the other. Romanticization of one’s experience and the mediums in which they choose to do so is what becomes what society calls creativity.

So i’m about to tell you “creatively”, why my life is a mess right now. I hope that whoever this finds is able to see the beauty within the madness.

For the better part of the last 5 years, I’ve been aggressively chasing my dreams of being the artist I know I can become. I want to be one of the biggest artists ever. A daunting task I know but I feel like I can do it. It’s that gut feeling of knowing that you can accomplish something but having no idea how you will that turns what should be a calm consistent lazy river mind into a horror theme park of uncertainty.

I misspoke…

Miswrote?

Whatever.

I shouldn’t have said I’m aggressively “chasing” my dreams. My dreams haven’t gone anywhere. I’m chasing the actualization of my dreams as it pertains to how others accept it. Everything that I’ve wanted to be able to do i’m doing right now and it truly makes me happy. I can wake up in the morning and by sunset that same day I’ve manipulated sounds and thoughts into songs that without me would otherwise not exist. The best part is none of it was natural. I like to think I have talent but these are all skills I had to teach myself. The trial and error period was grueling and it’s not even done. Yet, the level i’ve reached now is enough for me to be proud of myself and the journey i’m on.

I asked myself when I first started making music, why?

Why, do I actually want to do this?

The only answer that I can ever believe with my whole chest is that I want my music to connect with others the same way my favorite artists’ music has connected with me.

You hear that…

Listen closely…

Yep, here she is… Good ole doubt, wonderful of you to join us.

As soon as I realized why I wanted to make music for myself but to impact others, I started questioning everything. Will my music ever connect with people? Is my story, is my art enough to move people? Suddenly, something that was initially a personal journey became about all the people who I had never given much thought to.

My name is Oluwaseyi. It’s a Yoruba name - a nigerian language and people.

It means “God Made This”. So we all agree, the meaning of my name is drowning in ambiguity. Depending on your beliefs God also made cockroaches. I think my parents could’ve been a little more specific but I digress. Since my name is up to interpretation I choose to interpret it like this. I am an energy, a vibe, a feeling… a this. From a young age I could tell that my presence, my thoughts, my demeanor can greatly affect the people around me. I see the same thing happen with my music which is why I believe so strongly that I can be great. I’ve made a conscious decision to use my powers for good and to uplift all those around me.

So now i’m at that point where I know my music is really good. Quite a few people know my music is really good. I honestly wanted to put testimonies in here but this isn’t a slide on an insurance company’s front page website. I want the world to hear my music and I want to feel heard so I can see the impact my art can have on others. WHICH IS THE HARDEST PART.

Things are looking up though. I have so much to look forward too. I keep telling my best friend and my manager that all I gotta do is keep working and survive. I’ve learned that things can only look up when you do. See that, that’s a bar.

I’m doing things my own way and I accept that when things don’t work out in the manner I hoped or expected it simply means I need to adjust the method not the mindset. Believing in myself is a tiresome ordeal, honestly. So when people come into my life that truly believe in me, I can of raise an eyebrow. Like, bro, you really wanna do this? Suddenly I remember that their belief in me is part of why I started making music. I have people who are truly invested in seeing me succeed so at least I know my music is impactful to some degree. It’s exciting. It’s scary as well.

I only have two real fears regarding this musical adventure i’ve embarked on. One is that I won’t make it to see it all pan out. The other is that I achieve everything I set out to but will no longer have the perspective I have now when I get there.

Luckily, I should have a pair of Rose Colored Glasses with me.

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